OLA82: Steve’s Automatic Diaries

Location: Is delivered by mail to intended recipients.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Steve’s Automatic Diaries are anomalous books that begin with entirely blank pages. The cover is always light blue, labelled with a paper sticker saying, “Steve’s Automatic Diary – Gifted to [insert recipient’s name]” and the book is perpetually one inch (2.5 cm) thick regardless of the number of pages generated. The books so far seem to be indestructible as far as our tests can determine. When the Automatic Diary arrives in the mail, it will be packaged with a letter saying the following:

Hello [insert recipient’s name],

I know life can oftentimes be busy, even overwhelming. It can be difficult to find additional time to think about your day, put your experiences on the paper to really appreciate them. That’s why I am giving you an Automatic Diary of my own design to help you with understanding and appreciating your life. It will do the hard part of keeping track of your life, so all you have to do is sit down and read it from time-to-time to help you really understand yourself. I hope you find it useful.

Yours truly,


This ‘Steve’ is likely the same entity behind other anomalous objects, such as Steve’s Self-Filling Buckets (OMN64). We are unable at this time to track down this entity to properly identify and analyze it, as any return addresses on packaging leads to foreclosed homes or businesses. The moment we are able to track and analyze this entity, we will be certain to inform the public.

The anomalous ability of the Automatic Diary is that it is able to record in-depth not only the actions but also the thoughts of a single individual, that being the intended recipient, after making physical contact once. These records of the day-to-day happenings of a person’s life are always surprisingly accurate, even when the object is physically distant. The words seem to be handwritten, with quite a few instances of shorthand, with the same handwriting being present in all Automatic Diaries. There seems to also be a slight reality-bending to these objects as well, as they can generate endless pages to keep the record of the person’s life going despite never increasing in volume or rendering the pages thin and fragile. Even when the person perishes, the Diary will continue adding to itself their supposed, and often gruesome and borderline incomprehensible, afterlife.

Recommended Actions: Steve’s Automatic Diaries oftentimes serve as nothing more than a privacy concern for those that receive them. There is little benefit in their ability to accurately record one’s day. Our recommendation is to simply not interact with any instances you may receive. Other people cannot activate an Automatic Diary intended for you, so there is no risk in just refusing the package. If you do accidentally activate it, it is recommended to hide it away to prevent someone or something else from obtaining it for use in tracking you and violating your privacy.