OHA16: The Sword of Goliath

Location: The Lyre Family private collection.

Status: Inactive.

Description and Behavior: The Sword of Goliath is an exceptionally long and heavy bronze sword with now inert anomalous properties. With a length of about seventy inches (177.8 centimeters) and a weight of about twenty pounds (9.1 kilograms), it is largely impractical considering its one-handed design. Though called the Sword of Goliath according to a Hebrew inscription across the guard, it is not known if this is the authentic weapon or one inspired by the original. Regardless, what cannot be doubted is the formally anomalous nature of this sword. When wielded by a person, it would both give them immense physical strength and the desire to destroy all ‘impure’ things. Unfortunately, the weapon seemed to deem most living things as impure, leading to the wielder rampaging uncontrollably until killed. According to the Sword’s custodian, it lost its anomalous properties after developing a fault along the length of the blade.

Recommended Actions: In the event that the Sword of Goliath regains its anomalous properties and/or is encountered outside of the Lyre Family private collection it is advised to not to interact with the Sword but rather to contact either PRAE or the Lyre Family itself so that it may be returned in an appropriate manner.

ALC15: Nightmare Crawlers

Location: Humid regions, usually near the coast.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Nightmare Crawlers are an anomalous species that superficially resemble large centipedes with anywhere from nine to fifteen sets of legs, though they are in fact vertebrates. They crawl in behind the eyes of their victims while they sleep. Once in place, they inject an anomalous venom that causes a deep yet distressed sleep resulting in long and stressful nightmares. The Nightmare Crawler then somehow ‘feeds’ off of the nightmares, often manifesting in the nightmare itself as a human-like face that taunts the victim with a word salad of negative and violent terms. Occasionally the entity will lose part of a leg or other appendage due to the muscle movements of the distressed victim, these usually end up in the front of the eye and closely resemble eyelashes. Eventually the Nightmare Crawler will lay eggs in the sinuses of the victim. Once these hatch, the young Nightmare Crawlers leave the victim while they sleep and seek out new hosts.

Recommended Action: It is recommended to wear a relatively tight-fitting sleep mask to deny initial entry to the Nightmare Crawlers. If you do exhibit the symptoms associated with them, chiefly frequent nightmares and pressure behind the eyes, check any eyelashes you remove from your eyes to confirm that they are not actually legs. Regardless of whether they are, go to a doctor to inspect the situation. Fortunately, the Nightmare Crawlers have never been linked to a death or serious injury, so dealing with them is a matter of comfort and can be done at a relatively leisurely pace.

HMN14: The Know-It-All

Location: N/A, Summoned Entity

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: The Know-It-All is an anomalous entity often sought for its extensive knowledge on a multitude of subjects. It is summoned by sealing oneself in a ‘summoning cube’ made with mirrors facing inward on all sides and then reading aloud a select passage from The Grimoire of V’Thuuk, a work associated with the Chained Gods. The various cults associated with the Chained Gods consider it to be either a conduit or servant of V’Thuuk (the Crystal God).

The entity, when summoned, takes the form of a six and a half foot (2 meter) tall humanoid composed of crystal with ever-shifting colors and a bright light emanating from where the heart would be. The Know-It-All will engage the summoner in conversation immediately, always inquiring as to what the summoner wishes to learn about. Its voice has been known to be strong enough to shatter poorly constructed summoning cubes. This entity can be asked any question, and usually provides an easy to understand answer. It will sometimes be unable to answer a question, citing either a lack of knowledge or the inability of mortal languages to convey a certain idea. If the question is about something that this entity thinks the summoner should already know, it will grow frustrated and berate them for asking ‘imbecilic questions’ and wasting its time.

The summoning of the Know-It-All lasts as long as the summoning cube remains intact. The longer its manifestation lasts, the more frustrated it gets. After about five minutes into the summoning the individual reflections of the summoner will start behaving independently, making statements and asking questions that are often nonsensical or even insulting. The Know-It-All will hold the summoner accountable for the actions and statements of the reflections and will inevitably initiate a violent assault once sufficiently irritated. Breaking the summoning cube is the only way to escape the entity, unfortunately if it desires to punish the summoner the cube will be unbreakable until the entity is satisfied with the injuries inflicted. There are no recorded instances of death occurring in relation to this entity, though summoners are unusually prone to developing severe mental illnesses.

Recommended Actions: It is recommended to not summon any entities. If it is necessary, or if your participation is forced, make sure to practice effective time management. Write down the questions in clear language ahead of time, ask them in an orderly manner, and have someone standing by to destroy the summoning cube before your reflections start misbehaving. If the Know-It-All takes issue with anything you or your reflections say, immediately apologize. Doing this will ensure the best odds of avoiding injury.

OMA13: Cronch Brand Foods

Location: Any supermarket.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Cronch Brand Foods is an anomalous food brand that manifests as a display in supermarkets. It has taken the form of chocolate bars, cereal, yogurt, milk, cheese, bread, deli meats, and cookies. While appearing to be normal food when held, when chewed it always has the consistency of styrofoam and the flavor of boiled egg whites.

When the manifested display is interacted with by a person a man will approach and greet them in a familiar manner, referring to the person as Bill if male and Mary if female regardless of their actual name. From this point deviating from the ‘script’ of this entity will have grave consequences. The ‘script’ is as follows:

Cronch Enthusiast (CE): Eh Bill/Mary, whazzup? Checking out Cronch Brand (product)?

Victim (V): (Positive affirmation)

CE: Good call! After all, Cronch Brand (product) is a good source of (nutrient) and (another nutrient)!

V: (Enthusiastic surprise)

CE: Yes! That’s why Cronch Brand (product) is sure to take a bite out of the naysayers! Well, see you later Bill/Mary! And remember, Cronch…

V: Or be Cronched!

If the script is followed to satisfaction the man will leave and disappear immediately after exiting the front doors of the supermarket. If any deviation from the script occurs at any point the man will scowl at the victim and immediately disappear. At that point a large, grotesque floating head will manifest on the other side of the supermarket and immediately make a beeline for the victim. Once reaching the victim, the head will knock them down and start eating them from the feet up. The head has strong jaws and at least five rows of teeth it uses to deliberately crush as many bones in the victim’s body as possible. Any attempts to physically damage the head have little to no effect. Nearing the end of the victim’s consumption a female voice will say, from no discernible location, “Cronch or be Cronched!”

After the event has occurred, whether the script was followed or not, a ’commercial’ of the event will be played for the friends and family of the victim when they watch television or an online video. If script was deviated from, the gruesome death of the victim will be shown in full. The people who see the commercial will be more likely to encounter Cronch Brand Foods when they go grocery shopping. Unusually for a commercial, the commercials generated by this process have credits. These credits list the roles of ‘Victim’ as played by the victim of the encounter, ‘Cronch Enthusiast’ as played by Mr. Cronch, the ‘Jaws of Justice’ as played by Zaluuth the Lesser, and the female voiceover as Catherine Cronch.

Recommended Actions: Firstly, it is recommended to avoid interacting with Cronch Brand Foods at all costs. If it cannot be avoided it is then recommended to play along with the ‘script’, as resisting the event associated with the object always results in death. If you find yourself in the event and are uncertain as to what to do, rely on your instincts and act like you are in a commercial. If you do survive the encounter, it is important to warn your friends and family of what they may encounter.

OMC12: The Trustworthy Mask

Location: Unknown.

Status: Unknown, presumed active.

Description and Behavior: The Trustworthy Mask is a white porcelain mask depicting a man with a relaxed expression and slight smile. The inside of the mask however is composed of rotting human flesh, maggots, and splintered bones that dig into the face of whoever wears it. When not worn it gives off a faint sound similar to a man mumbling to himself. Some have remarked that it sounds like it is saying “I said sorry, trust me”, “Eyes sore, must be”, or even “Isyd-Surstee” according to one person. This mumbling stops as soon as it is put on.

The main anomalous effect of the Trustworthy Mask is it makes any statement made by the wearer immediately and thoroughly believed. This includes even the most outlandish lies; for example, one person was convinced by a wearer of the mask that he himself did not exist. The other anomalous effects relate to how the mask affects the wearer. It induces a psychological dependency on the mask by convincing the wearer that they need the mask, or their lies will unravel and their life will fall apart. Once the person is wearing the mask on a permanent basis, the mask will over time erase the original personality of the wearer and replace it with another. The Trustworthy will repeat the process of replacing its wearer’s personality until they die.

Unfortunately, the location of the Trustworthy Mask is not known to us at PRAE. The mask was traced to several potential past wearers. Our research unfortunately reached a dead end with the esteemed billionaire Vincent Amnon. He told us that he did not have the mask, and that he was in fact not wearing at that moment. Regardless of this dead end, we will continue searching for it to inform and protect the public.

Recommended Actions: As the mask poses no real danger if not worn, and takes time to harm if worn, it is recommended to just ignore the Trustworthy Mask if encountered. The real danger is in the people who would misuse it. Therefore, remain vigilant of anyone in a porcelain mask matching the description. Avoid communications of any sort with them.

AMI11: Evil Rubber Ducks

Location: Various sewer systems around the world.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Evil Rubber Ducks are an anomalous species of semiaquatic mollusks that closely resemble a rubber duck with a goatee. They have a tough and thick skin that feels like rubber, protecting them from their harsh environment in the sewers and making them nearly impossible to kill. While floating they use their foot to maneuver through water and can also use the foot to traverse solid surfaces. Their diet largely consists of insects, small rodents, and nutrients scavenged from human waste.

Usually they offer little danger to those that encounter them in the sewers. They are relatively docile if left untouched and usually either hide or remain motionless if humans are near. If they are picked up, they will attempt to sting the person, which causes paralysis and permanent nerve damage. This very rarely happens as most people aren’t inclined to pick up objects in the sewers.

It is during the reproductive phase that these entities can become dangerous. A pair of these Evil Rubber Ducks will make their way to the surface, usually through a toilet. Once in a bathroom with a bath the pair will wait motionlessly until a human being starts taking a bath. It is then that one of the Evil Rubber Ducks will sneak up on the person and inject paralyzing venom with a stinger hidden in its ‘mouth’. Once the victim is paralyzed the pair will enter the tub and make holes in the skin of the person, laying incubated eggs into these holes. Evil Rubber Ducks are hermaphroditic and can lay anywhere from a hundred to three hundred eggs each. The eggs hatch within the hour and the baby Evil Rubber Ducks start eating the victim alive, usually having the entire body devoured within four hours of hatching. The adults will remove the bathtub drain cap after feeding has ended, whether to conclusion or by intervention, allowing the babies to escape to the sewer. The adults then die.

Recommended Actions: It is important to always thoroughly check your bathroom before taking a bath. Always make sure the toilet lid is always closed when not in used to ensure that no entry can take place. If you do notice any Evil Rubber Ducks, do your best to try to drive them away back into the sewers. This is best achieved with chemicals and shows of force. If you can get at least one into the toilet the other is sure to follow.

SHN10: The Bloody Monkey

Location: N/A

Status: Inactive, presumed terminated.

Description and Behavior: The Bloody Monkey was an entity that was described as resembling a large, profusely bleeding chimpanzee with horns and scaly wings. It was primarily active in rural villages across the Americas. Before being rendered inactive it was known to travel between small villages, granting a single wish to every resident. These wishes would usually be interpreted by the Bloody Monkey in such a way as to backfire on the wisher. Some examples include, a man who wished for youth was turned into an infant, a woman who wished for her family to appreciate her hard work had her family become fatally ill, and a child who wished for a million dollars was crushed to death under a hundred million pennies.

As these wishes were to be granted to everyone in the village, this entity had little patience for anyone taking too long to wish or even being unwilling to wish. As such it would turn violent against anyone ‘slowing down the process’. These altercations in rare circumstances would lead to death, but always resulted in maiming and crippling. Often, after maiming a person, it would suggest the victim wish for healing. Anyone attempting to escape from the situation would always find themselves passing out and waking up back in the village if they got too far.

Unfortunately for the Bloody Monkey, it eventually met its own end when one of its victims wished for its death. This occurred in a remote Mexican village where a young girl who had already lost her entire family to the entity’s activities had her turn to wish. She made the wish which caused the Bloody Monkey to unwillingly summon Burlap (SHH4) to the location. It is then that Burlap initiated its typical pattern of predation of fellow anomalous entities, and the Bloody Monkey could be heard begging for its life. Unfortunately for the village, Burlap then turned its attention to the residents after dealing with the Bloody Monkey and over the course of at least a week hunted and tortured the inhabitants one by one. Everything we know of these events are gathered from the diaries of the villagers trying to escape Burlap either by hiding or fleeing. None survived.

Recommended Actions: In the event of an unlikely re-manifestation of this entity, it is recommended to make small and simple wishes. Complex wishes are easier to twist the meaning of, and the Bloody Monkey seemed to especially enjoy punishing greed with a horrible fate. Based on the events that rendered this entity inactive, it is strongly recommended not to wish death for this or similar entities as it may lead to a more dangerous situation.