ILN89: Rosy Sleaze’s Adult Pizzeria Animatronics

Location: Frequently sighted in or near the Colorado Rockies.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Rosy Sleaze’s Adult Pizzeria Animatronics are anomalous animatronics from the failed adult entertainment venture, Rosy Sleaze’s Adult Pizzeria. This venture attempted to take the mascot arcade-pizzeria business that was wildly successful at the time and create a chain of mascot casino-pizzeria nightclubs, ultimately building and running eight locations before bankruptcy forced their closing. The Animatronics themselves were the intended gimmick of the venture. Specifically, they were designed to function as the ‘erotic performers’ of the establishments with distinct male and female models performing in distinct sections of the building. Originally the animatronics were intended to resemble humans but were instead switched to anthropomorphic animal designs to avoid the uncanny valley and to reinforce the gimmick of the business.

The animatronics are seven-foot (2.1 meter) state-of-the-art mechanical creations designed to be capable of near-realistic movement using secretive patented pneumatic technology and a synthetic voice box capable of producing a natural sounding voice without the need of pre-recorded lines, all operated remotely by a computer. There are no computers or significant computer components built into the animatronics besides a basic wireless receiver and circuit system to communicate the inputs from the remote computer to them. Certainly, nothing that could host an artificial intelligence elaborate enough to explain the escape and continued operation of the animatronics after the shutdown and then destruction of the remote computers after the closing down of the Rosy Sleaze’s Adult Pizzeria venture. As such, it seems likely that these animatronics were collectively rendered anomalous, be it by accident or on purpose, and that the remote computer was simply overriding their sentience to force their compliance and performances.

After escaping their pizzerias in multiple states, the entities converged together into a large group in the Colorado Rockies currently consisting of seventy-two individual entities. There are multiple instances of each character due to the animatronics hailing from multiple locations, with many demonstrating clear signs of disrepair due to the lack of maintenance. Specifically, there are eight instances of Rosy Sleaze (monitor lizard), Bartholomew Bear (grizzly bear), Chase Cheater (cheetah), Holly Hop (rabbit), Albert Alley (alligator), Gabby Gash (alligator), Howard Howler (wolf), Hannah Howler (wolf), seven instances of Fiona Feather (white pekin duck), and one instance of Brad Buck (deer). There were originally eight instances of each, but one instance of Fiona Feather and seven instances of Brad Buck have been destroyed by local hunters presumably by accident. None of the hunters survived their altercations.

This group of animatronics seem intent on two things, survival and freedom. They respond hostilely to threats, including violence and/or unwanted sexual advances. The latter seems to stem from a developed association of such behavior with their time being ‘performers’ at the Adult Pizzerias coupled with their inability to derive pleasure from such encounters as they themselves have stated in the past. When provoked to violence, they are known to be armed with rifles and handguns as well as axes. When approached respectfully, they are known to be wary but receptive to conversation.

Recommended Actions: If encountering Rosy Sleaze’s Adult Pizzeria Animatronics, remember to always be respectful and carefully follow the requirements they state. Your survival is dependent on their comfort level, considering they have guns and are significantly stronger than most humans. Do not make sexual advances on these entities, they will maim or kill you. Encounters with the animatronics, and most dangerous animals for that matter, can be avoided by maintaining a relatively presence to avoid sneaking up on anything by accident. If all attempts to placate these entities fail, while they are resistant to gunfire, they are not impervious to it and so it is viable to inflict enough damage to drive them away in self-defence. Be aware that that if you manage to destroy one of them, the rest of the group will attempt to kill you and likely succeed.

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