HMN14: The Know-It-All

Location: N/A, Summoned Entity

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: The Know-It-All is an anomalous entity often sought for its extensive knowledge on a multitude of subjects. It is summoned by sealing oneself in a ‘summoning cube’ made with mirrors facing inward on all sides and then reading aloud a select passage from The Grimoire of V’Thuuk, a work associated with the Chained Gods. The various cults associated with the Chained Gods consider it to be either a conduit or servant of V’Thuuk (the Crystal God).

The entity, when summoned, takes the form of a six and a half foot (2 meter) tall humanoid composed of crystal with ever-shifting colors and a bright light emanating from where the heart would be. The Know-It-All will engage the summoner in conversation immediately, always inquiring as to what the summoner wishes to learn about. Its voice has been known to be strong enough to shatter poorly constructed summoning cubes. This entity can be asked any question, and usually provides an easy to understand answer. It will sometimes be unable to answer a question, citing either a lack of knowledge or the inability of mortal languages to convey a certain idea. If the question is about something that this entity thinks the summoner should already know, it will grow frustrated and berate them for asking ‘imbecilic questions’ and wasting its time.

The summoning of the Know-It-All lasts as long as the summoning cube remains intact. The longer its manifestation lasts, the more frustrated it gets. After about five minutes into the summoning the individual reflections of the summoner will start behaving independently, making statements and asking questions that are often nonsensical or even insulting. The Know-It-All will hold the summoner accountable for the actions and statements of the reflections and will inevitably initiate a violent assault once sufficiently irritated. Breaking the summoning cube is the only way to escape the entity, unfortunately if it desires to punish the summoner the cube will be unbreakable until the entity is satisfied with the injuries inflicted. There are no recorded instances of death occurring in relation to this entity, though summoners are unusually prone to developing severe mental illnesses.

Recommended Actions: It is recommended to not summon any entities. If it is necessary, or if your participation is forced, make sure to practice effective time management. Write down the questions in clear language ahead of time, ask them in an orderly manner, and have someone standing by to destroy the summoning cube before your reflections start misbehaving. If the Know-It-All takes issue with anything you or your reflections say, immediately apologize. Doing this will ensure the best odds of avoiding injury.

SHN10: The Bloody Monkey

Location: N/A

Status: Inactive, presumed terminated.

Description and Behavior: The Bloody Monkey was an entity that was described as resembling a large, profusely bleeding chimpanzee with horns and scaly wings. It was primarily active in rural villages across the Americas. Before being rendered inactive it was known to travel between small villages, granting a single wish to every resident. These wishes would usually be interpreted by the Bloody Monkey in such a way as to backfire on the wisher. Some examples include, a man who wished for youth was turned into an infant, a woman who wished for her family to appreciate her hard work had her family become fatally ill, and a child who wished for a million dollars was crushed to death under a hundred million pennies.

As these wishes were to be granted to everyone in the village, this entity had little patience for anyone taking too long to wish or even being unwilling to wish. As such it would turn violent against anyone ‘slowing down the process’. These altercations in rare circumstances would lead to death, but always resulted in maiming and crippling. Often, after maiming a person, it would suggest the victim wish for healing. Anyone attempting to escape from the situation would always find themselves passing out and waking up back in the village if they got too far.

Unfortunately for the Bloody Monkey, it eventually met its own end when one of its victims wished for its death. This occurred in a remote Mexican village where a young girl who had already lost her entire family to the entity’s activities had her turn to wish. She made the wish which caused the Bloody Monkey to unwillingly summon Burlap (SHH4) to the location. It is then that Burlap initiated its typical pattern of predation of fellow anomalous entities, and the Bloody Monkey could be heard begging for its life. Unfortunately for the village, Burlap then turned its attention to the residents after dealing with the Bloody Monkey and over the course of at least a week hunted and tortured the inhabitants one by one. Everything we know of these events are gathered from the diaries of the villagers trying to escape Burlap either by hiding or fleeing. None survived.

Recommended Actions: In the event of an unlikely re-manifestation of this entity, it is recommended to make small and simple wishes. Complex wishes are easier to twist the meaning of, and the Bloody Monkey seemed to especially enjoy punishing greed with a horrible fate. Based on the events that rendered this entity inactive, it is strongly recommended not to wish death for this or similar entities as it may lead to a more dangerous situation.

SHN9: Mr. and Mrs. Happy-Stab

Location: The Great Lakes Basin area, could potentially move location.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: Mr. and Mrs. Happy-Stab, also known as just ‘Happy-Stab’, is the resultant anomalous entity brought about by the union of two separate entities. The first is an anomalous robot designed and created by Dr. James Sout called the Helpful and Personable Partner for You (HaPPY simplified to Happy). Happy was originally designed to be a humanoid ‘helper-bot’ before Dr. Sout somehow rendered it anomalous, allowing it to achieve physical and computational feats beyond what it should be capable of. When Dr. Sout ordered Happy to bring happiness to the world it immediately destroyed all records in the laboratory and sought out the second component of its current form. Dr. Sout is currently missing and presumed deceased.

The second entity that makes up Happy-Stab is the Dagger of Ecstasy. This dagger was reportedly the same one used by the jester Maria Stab to slay King Rex after telling him a joke so good it that he would not stop laughing despite her growing frustration. After killing the King, Maria Stab was then cursed to become one with the dagger which now would put anyone who is stabbed with it into an ecstatic state until death. It is unknown how literal or accurate this story is. What is known is that Happy immediately sought out the Dagger of Ecstasy after being told to bring happiness to the world and then developed a relationship with it.

The current entity of Happy-Stab occurred months after the initial acquisition of the Dagger of Ecstasy by Happy. Survivors of encounters with Happy note that Happy and the dagger would frequently converse with each other. Over time, the conversations became more affectionate with both entities referring to the other with pet names. Eventually Happy permanently incorporated the dagger into his right arm and the entities declared themselves ‘married’, Mr. and Mrs. Happy-Stab. As they are permanently combined, they are now considered a singular entity. Physically this entity is in a constant process of self modification in the pursuit of more effective predation and so lacks consistent a consistent description beyond having a ‘smiley face’ head and the dagger fused to its arm. It has been recorded to have been as small as four feet (1.2 meters) tall to as tall as twelve feet (3.7 meters) in various encounters.

Mr. and Mrs. Happy-Stab as an entity has the motivation of bringing happiness to the world, which it aims to achieve by stabbing any unhappy people with the Dagger of Ecstasy. The stabbings are usually fatal; though if a victim does manage to survive, they will have an inability to experience negative emotions such as anger or fear. Happy-Stab will often converse with itself about the situation, often with the two components of the entity expressing different opinions. The Happy component seems significantly less willing to undertake violence, usually willing to take victims at their word as to their emotional state.

Recommended Actions: Mr. and Mrs. Happy-Stab is significantly faster and stronger than any human. It is therefore recommended that if this entity is encountered the most viable means of survival is to convince it of your positive emotional state. Any attempts at escape or self-defence will be treated as signs of unhappiness.