AHA65: Curious Monkey Barrel

Location: Usually in urban alleyways, last sighted in Chicago, Illinois.

Status: Active.

Description and Behavior: The Curious Monkey Barrel consists of a number of baboon-like creatures with their muscles and bones twisted into each other, effectively ‘woven’ together to form a mass of flesh, limbs, and eyeless heads wedged into an eighty gallon (300 liter) wooden barrel. The barrel itself has numerous holes drilled into it on the sides allowing the monkeys to stick their limbs through to both move the barrel and manipulate their surroundings. On the bottom of the barrel are a series of small holes which usually have some combination of urine, feces, and blood draining out.

This entity prefers urban areas, usually alleyways, and is largely nocturnal. It typically hides itself nearby dumpsters during the day. When wondering the alleys hunting at night, it does not make the typical sounds one would expect from baboons. Instead the heads imitate the sound of children softly asking a question. The questions range from the typical, such as “Who are you?”, “How are you doing?”, and “What’s your name?”, to the nonsensical, such as “How smell blue?”, “Could you teach me a dog?”, and “Do you eat sadness?” The questions were likely learned from overhearing humans conversing, with the nonsensical ones likely being combined or misremembered questions due to the entity not actually understanding language. It seems the purpose of the questions is to spur a response of sound from this entity’s prey, humans. Once the Curious Monkey Barrel hears a human, it immediately starts running towards it to grab it. If a human is successfully grabbed, the lid of the barrel will be opened, and the human pulled in and devoured alive. The Curious Monkey Barrel has been recorded to run up to fifty miles per hour (80km/h). This speed is both used for pursuit and relocation from one city to another.

Recommended Actions: When encountering the Curious Monkey Barrel, it is imperative to remain as quiet as possible. Be wary of any questions coming from a child-like voice if you do not see the child. Often this entity can be smelled before it is seen, due to the near-continual dripping of excrement, urine, and blood coming from it. It is highly recommended that at the first sign of this entity to hide in a secure location, such as behind a dumpster, and remain quiet until it leaves earshot. After evading the entity, please head towards your local authorities to report the presence of this entity so that preventative action may take place.