Location: Unknown, stolen from the Lyre Family private collection.
Status: Presumed Active.
Description and Behavior: The Malfunctioning Archeology Kit is an anomalous children’s archeology kit from the defunct toy company Fantasnatural Toys. Specifically, the Kit is from the Junior Scientist line of products and is labelled as a prototype for an unreleased archeology kit. Items contained in the Kit include a shovel, wooden hammer, chisel, brush, and a magnifying glass. These items are surprisingly durable despite their seemingly low quality and can repair themselves if damaged.
The key anomalous effect of the Malfunctioning Archeology Kit is that instead of excavating artifacts from the past, it excavates artifacts from the future. Sometimes the ‘artifacts’ excavated are alive and/or dangerous. Some examples of artifacts excavated using the Kit include:
Coins dated to 2214, labeled as from the Fourth Texas Republic
A dead body with severe radiation burns
The skull of so far yet non-existent dog breed
A chest filled with advanced, but broken, electronics
A mummified corpse covered in oily rags and jewelry made from an unknown metal (artifact currently missing, presumed stolen with the Kit itself)
A living hysterical woman armed with a gun (killed in self-defence)
The foundation of a building, with a number of skeletons in the concrete
Unfortunately, the current location of the Malfunctioning Archeology Kit is unknown as it was stolen from the Lyre Family private collection, as well as some of the artifacts dug up with it. There are unfortunately no leads at this time as the security system failed at the time of the burglary.
Recommended Actions: If the Malfunctioning Archeology Kit is encountered, it is recommended not to use it without proper supervision and security. The artifacts excavated with the Kit can be highly dangerous. Fortunately, because the Kit requires active use for its anomalous effect to function, it can be safely ignored. Please contact either the Lyre Family, or us at PRAE, if you have either located or have a lead to the Malfunctioning Archeology Kit. It is important that it is safely returned its owners, as in the wrong hands it can be quite dangerous.